Monmouth U. hosts domestic violence awareness kickoff Gaffney: Abuse demeans abused and abuser BY SUE MORGAN Staff Writer At left, Anna Diaz-White, executive director of 180 Turning Lives Around, and student Joe Bucher, president of Sigma Tau Gamma fraternity, listen to speakers at “Coaching Boys Into Men,” sponsored by 180 and its Men’s Task Force at Woodrow Wilson Hall on Oct. 3. At right, Bucher greets Monmouth County Prosecutor Luis A. Valentin before the conference on domestic violence prevention and education. WEST LONG BRANCH — It is not just the victim who is demeaned by domestic violence, the abuser is demeaned as well. If that was not straightforward enough, Monmouth University President Paul G. Gaffney II delivered another statement to the students, community members, activists, and state and county representatives gathered in an ornately decorated room at Woodrow Wilson Hall. PHOTOSBYMIGUEL JUAREZ staff “Real men don’t abuse women,” Gaffney said. “It demeans both parties.” Gaffney’s remarks came during an Oct. 3 press conference marking the kick-off of a campaign titled “Coaching Boys Into Men” sponsored jointly by 180 Turning Lives Around and its Men’s Task Force. The campaign ties in with the national observance of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Commissioner Charles Richman (l) of the state’s Department of Community Affairs meets with Monmouth University President Paul G. Gaffney II prior to the conference. The half-hour event culminated with many of the men present in the room, including Gaffney, Men’s Task Force Chairman J. David Hiers, Monmouth County Prosecutor Luis A. Valentin, and student Joseph Bucher, president of Sigma Tau Gamma fraternity, signing an oversized pledge card to reaffirm their commitment to prevent violence against women. “I know that violence is neither a solution nor a sign of strength,” reads one line from the pledge. “I believe I can be a role model to others by taking this pledge.” The absence of fathers and male role models from the lives of growing boys creates a need for other adult males to mentor those young men, Tiers explained. “Now more than ever, the boys in your life need your time and energy,” Tiers said. Sons, grandsons, nephews, younger brothers, and the boys whom an adult male teaches or coaches, all “need to learn that men don’t hit women,” he continued. But it’s not just women who feel the pain of domestic violence, according to Anna Diaz-White, executive director of Hazlet-based 180 Turning Lives Around, who also spoke to the group of 100 in attendance. “These crimes affect men, women, children,” Diaz-White said. “It’s not just a women’s issue. Family violence affects the community.” That is where Monmouth University, as a “place of education,” can step in to teach its young male students how to treat women and children and how to be role models for one another, Gaffney said in his remarks. “University graduates are by definition leaders,” Gaffney said. The men of Monmouth’s baseball and basketball teams are on board to foster prevention of violence against women and children by working with the Men’s Task Force this academic year, the university president noted. Those athletes welcome the opportunity to teach fellow students how to prevent violence against others as their community service project this year, said Marilyn McNeil, Monmouth’s director of athletics. “The athletes send the message to each other,” McNeil said. “They are the core of our student body because they are often here on weekends practicing. “This is an opportunity for them to step up and be influential,” she added. Bucher, who later became the first man in the room to sign the oversized pledge card sitting on an easel in front of the audience, called upon all of the university’s athletes and his fraternity brothers to inspire other young male students. “I am aware that fellow students look to me as a positive role model,” said Bucher, a senior mathematics major from Pennsauken, Camden County. “The strongest role model in my life has always been my father. He put his family above himself.” Athletes, fraternity members and other campus leaders must pick up the responsibility to educate those young men who “don’t have a positive role model,” said Bucher, who also chairs Monmouth’s Student Government Association’s Finance Board. Through prosecuting domestic violence cases in Hudson County prior to accepting his current position this past summer, Valentin said he learned how the children in an abusive home suffer as much as the victim of abuse. With those lessons in mind, Valentin stressed that under his leadership, the Monmouth County Prosecutor’s Office will work with local police and groups such as 180 Turning Lives Around to bring abusers to justice. “My office is deeply, deeply committed to ending the cycle of domestic violence,” Valentin said. Where or how an abuser was raised does not excuse hurting others, said Valentin, recalling his own childhood growing up in Newark. “Regardless of your background, there are no parameters prohibiting you from respecting your fellow man or fellow woman,” he said. Charles A. Richman, a commissioner of the New Jersey Department of Community Affairs (DCA), reaffirmed New Jersey’s commitment to assisting victims of domestic violence by helping them to pay for permanent housing beyond shelters. Acting Gov. Richard Codey signed legislation last year that provides $9.5 million to help those victims, about three-quarters of whom are women and their children, to post a security deposit and two years’ worth of rent in suitable apartments, Richman explained. “Too often our system separates the mothers from their children,” Richman said. Altogether, DCA logged 77,000 reports of domestic violence in the state in 2004, Richman noted. In many of those cases, the victims were the children who were present to see the abuse of a parent, he added. “It isn’t just a woman’s problem,” Richman said. The 180 Men’s Task Force and its speakers bureau serves as the primary tool of a male-led violence-prevention program aimed at men, young boys, and the community at large, according to the group’s literature. Other programs that 180 Turning Lives Around offers include transitional housing, counseling, a youth helpline, the Amanda’s Easel art therapy program for children, a court liaison program, a rape care program for victims of sexual assault, and an outpatient substance abuse program directed at female clients.